| Classic
Whiskey Joke Page |
OK
Just for a bit of fun then... here's a few jokes.. We hope you enjoy our
sense of humour
nothing here is intended to offend N.B.
"Blue" Jokes
are obvious..... and if you think you can do better and make us laugh we
will consider sending you a Free Miniature whiskey... But only if we
laugh !! you can use our feedback
form or
email
us Remember to include your address for your free
Whiskey!!
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This
guy goes into a bar and orders a large whiskey." You won't believe
what happened to me" he says to the barman.
"I was driving over the mountain ridge and my car suddenly broke
down and stopped. Now I don't know much about cars and I was wondering
how I was going to fix it .... when these two horses in a field beside
me trotted over".
One of the horses said "I know what's wrong with your car, the HT
lead is loose"
"I couldn't believe it", the guy says, "But it was true,
so I tightened up the HT lead and continued on my journey"
The barman says to the guy "Tell me was it a large white horse
with a black mane?"
The guy says "Yes It was!, how did you know that?"
"Obvious" says the barman, "The other horse knows
nothing about Cars !!!"
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A White Horse walked
into a pub in the heart of Dublin and casually asked for a whiskey.
The bar man said "That is amazing, absolutely amazing! Did you
know there's a whiskey named after you?"
"You're kidding me" said the horse "there's a whisky
called Dobbin?"
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A cheeseburger walked
into a pub and asked for three pints of Guinness, two halves of stout,
and a double Whiskey.
"Out!", yelled the barman, "I've told you before, we
don't serve food."
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Vincent Van Gogh was
standing at the corner of the bar in his local pub when his mate
Rembrandt walked in.
"Fancy a Whiskey, Van Goghy?" called out Rembrandt.
"No, its okay", said Van Gogh, "I've got one ear."
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This
guy goes into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder and orders a beer and
a whiskey, he takes a sip of Guinness and gives the monkey the whiskey.
The monkey knocks back the whiskey. The guy then punches the monkey
square in the face knocking it to the floor. The monkey gets up moves to
the front of the guy, unzips his trousers and begins to perform oral sex
on him, when finished the monkey slowly climes back on to the guys
shoulder. The Barman and another customer had been watching the whole
event.
The barman then approaches the guy and asked him if can he have a go
with his monkey. The guy says no problem and places the monkey on the
barman's shoulder the barman sets up the drinks as before takes a sip of
the Guinness and gives the monkey the whiskey. On finishing the whiskey
the barman punches the monkey who proceeds to carry out the sexual act
as before.
At this point the other customer comes forward and says in a shy
embarrassed manner "Excuse me sir, but I have been watching you and
your monkey, do you think it would be possible for me to try?" Once
again being an obliging chap the guy says "No Problem" the
customer then says "Great but there's just one condition," "What's
that enquires the guy". The customer responds, "You must
promise not to hit me as hard as you hit the monkey !"
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A man walks into a Bar
and says "Gimme a triple whiskey" He quickly downs it and says
"Another!" Again he sinks it and demands "Another"
He keeps on drinking until after his eight triple whiskey the bar man
says "Mister, you drink like you've a problem. Do you want to talk
about it?" The man says "Ten years I've been with my wife, I
left work early today to surprise her, only to come home and find her in
bed with my best friend, godddammmmit!!" "What did you say to
them?", asked the bar man. Well says the guy I told her to get out
of my life for ever and I told him Bad Dog !! Bad Dog!!.
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A three legged dog
limps into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar orders a whiskey and announces "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw!!
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A man
sits at a bar ordering double Whiskey all night. Every time the barman
serves him a drink the man pours the drink all over his hand. The bar
man is confused, but after all the guy's's still paying for the drink.
Eventually though the bar mans curiosity gets the better of him and he
asks the guy why he's wasting all the booze. The guy replies: "I
have to get my date drunk!"
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The owner of a fancy
hotel bar and restaurant has a bit of luck on the lottery and scoops the
jackpot. He decides to throw a party for all his friends and laid on
everything drink, food, girls, drugs, the lot. Being a bit eccentric he
decides to fill the pool with crocodiles. During the party he announces
that whoever can swim across the pool and remain unharmed will get
anything he wants - girls - drugs - money, whatever: No one moves then
all of a sudden SPLASH! Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over
him, but he bravely wrestles them off, fighting and dogging till he gets
across, incredulously unharmed. "WOW!" says the owner of the
complex "you were amazing! So do you want the girls now or later?"
I don't want them at all, " replies the Guy. What about the drugs,
the money, all the rest?", Don't want them either" says the
Guy. "Well you gotta have something! What do you want?" "I
want the Bas*#rd who pushed me!".
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This
woman goes into her local bar and orders a Whiskey but unusually decides
to stand at the bar instead of taking her usual seat. The bar man asked
her "What's up" "Oh nothing" she replied "Its
just that I have had some tatoos done on my thighs and they are a bit
sore still". "Interesting" says the bar man "what
are the tatoos?" "Well one thigh has a Turkey and the other
thigh has a Christmas tree". Thinking it unusual the bar man asked "Why?"
"Simple" she replies" My husband is always complaining
about having nothing nice to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas....."
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Next Time you are
sitting enjoying an Irish Whiskey with some friends and are stuck for
something to talk about here are a few mind bending conservation topics
to consider:
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| Why is it called a TV set if you
only get one?
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Could you imagine a world with no
hypothetical situations?
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Is Disney land a people trap run by
a mouse?
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| How much deeper would the ocean be
without all those sponges?
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Why does Sour Cream have a sell by
date?
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Why not build whole planes out of
the stuff the black box is made of?
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| Why isn't phonetic spelt the way it
sounds?
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Before the Drawing Board, What did
they go back to?
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How do I set my laser printer to
stun?
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